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Updated: Jul 25, 2023

I would venture to say that most people do not get married and plan to divorce. I know there are people who go into it saying, “Well if it doesn’t work then I’ll get one,” but in general, most of us are looking for our special version of happily ever after. For the most part, you know every day won’t be rainbows and butterflies but you’re expecting that more times than not there will be. Then one day all the “No Year Problems” start to happen. “No Year Problems” are those that should never happen during any year of marriage for any reason, especially at ongoing or consistent rates, such as infidelity, constant bickering and arguing, etc.

Sadly, I found myself attempting to deal with a series of “No Year Problems” very early in marriage, which ultimately led to separation and filing for divorce. The few people that I confided in when I first began the process all had the same question, “How are you feeling?” A lot of times I didn’t have an answer for them other than the obligatory “fine” because I hadn’t taken the time to really think about how I felt, what I thought, or could potentially think or feel. I have reached a level of perfection when it comes to deflecting, but through lots of prayer and coffee chats with Jesus, I have instituted a few things for self-care as I am in fact riding through this storm. (YouTube Yolanda Adams, “Riding Through the Storm.” You’ll thank me later and you’re welcome in advance!)

1. Take time for yourself.

2. Don’t deny what you feel.

3. Get rest.

4. Work with a counselor or a coach.

I get it, each of these has its own level of “Ugh, I can’t do that” attached to it, especially when we’re Moms, the ever-present parent, doing school in a pandemic, whether in-person or virtual, and we work full-time, part-time, anytime. I’m right there with you. What’s important to remember and what I remind myself of daily is that if

I’m not “fine,” my children won’t be either. Far too long we were probably in spaces and places that did not allow us to pay any attention to ourselves. In going through this process, it’s easy to focus on everyone and everything else. This isn’t my entire list, I also pray, read the Bible, and write. You don’t have to do them all at the same time. Start with one, work your way through the list, and feel free to add your own things. If you need ideas on how, please feel free to contact me and we’ll walk through it together. This is the year and the time that we stop trying to pour from empty and becoming burnt out. Instead, we are going to do what is necessary to healthily refill ourselves while we are riding through the storm.

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